What does she have that I don’t have?
Why is it so easy for her to get a good job, start a business and lose weight and I’m struggling?
When is my breakthrough going to happen?
What if I go with my gut and do things the way that feel right to me and my personality and people boo me?
Who is going to support me with my goals the way that I support them?
As a holistic healthy lifestyle coach who helps driven career women across the world enhance their core life purpose while creating a body and life they love those are the questions that sometimes permeate their minds as they begin to make transitions in their lives. Sometimes they self-sabotage themselves because they feel like nothing they are doing is working the way that they would like it to work. Even after quitting, when I ask them if their dream or goal still exists they say “Yes!”
So, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we stop and compare our success to other’s success? I learned years ago that when I try to be like others and compare my life to other’s lives I am more prone to feel fake and get discouraged. Discouragement can sometimes make us feel as though we are not doing enough. Sometimes I wasn’t putting forth enough effort to bring my goals to fruition. But many more times I just didn’t give myself enough credit for everything I had achieved.
I’m not going to bore you by telling you all about my multiple undergraduate and graduate degrees, certifications and number of clients I’ve helped experience a life transformation over the years. That would be a quick way to bore you into stop reading this article and go get a cheeseburger, fries, soda, and ice cream (haha). Instead, I’m going to tell you about a silly time when I learned that I really do not care to fit in with the status quo and “normal” people. This is funny. So, don’t go anywhere.
Being Yourself Starts or Ends with School Peer Socialization
Before I tell you, think back to what type of student you were in high school. Were you shy, quiet, nerdy, outgoing, cool, popular, weird, plain Jane, or just an average teen? Were you a combination of all of those at various times? Well, as I reflect on my high school years I would label myself as average with a hint of a nonchalant attitude about what everyone else was doing. All I cared about was being happy around my select group of friends. I was cordial with everyone. But I’ve never cared about quantity of relationships over the quality of relationships. That’s always seemed superficial and actually drained my energy. There were about 5-7 people that I liked to be around the most, two of them were dudes that one of my best friend’s and I used to hang out with after school to engage in irresponsible teen behavior (haha).
Anyway, my closest friends sometimes had their classes and lunch periods at different times as I did and I had to socialize with people that I couldn’t care less about befriending. Again, I’ve never been one for superficial relationships. I found one girl, however named Christy that I befriended and would eat lunch with her every day. Guess where we ate lunch? Don’t laugh! We ate in the girl’s locker room (haha… I said don’t laugh…!) So, your next question is probably, “Why did you two eat in the girl’s locker room?”
Well, it’s because I felt like it was ordinary to sit in the cafeteria like everyone else and enjoyed doing my own thing. After socializing in the halls with a few select people that I liked to talk to and hanging out for a few minutes with a boy I liked I wanted to be cool in my own way and that meant to go eat lunch in the girl’s locker room. To this day, I actually think that was an odd idea and wonder where in the world that decision came from… lol. Thank goodness this locker room decision only lasted for about 6 months of high school or I bet I’d be asked by the school staff to help clean the locker rooms (smile).
Alone But Not Lonely
Anyway, let’s get back to what I was originally addressing. My desire to fit in and compare myself to other’s lives has never been that strong. I feel more comfortable staying in my own lane than trying to fit in, even if at times that means chillin alone. For some reason, I actually enjoy being alone. I rarely feel lonely when I’m doing my own thing. Because people have always been attracted to my personality and I’m also a very social creature I still engage in cool conversations and hang out with friends on a regular basis. But the people that get MOST of my attention are usually people that I REALLY connect with. We don’t even have to have a common background for a bond to be formed. There just needs to be a connection and we pull each other together like a magnet.
Maybe you’re saying to yourself that you really don’t identify with what I’m saying because you’ve always wanted to be the popular kid, or the smart kid, or the musician, or the class clown, etc. But I think you can identify with how it feels to drift from your own hobbies and interests and do things just because your parents or someone you don’t respect said to them and do them a certain way that didn’t mesh with your personality, skills, and interests. When I try to step outside of who Ebonie is it usually doesn’t work out for the long haul. I feel like telling them to let me play with my dolls that I love so much while they play with their trucks. I don’t really play with dolls as an adult. But you get the point (wink).
So, when it comes to comparing ourselves and looking at other’s people’s successes ask yourself why you’ve decided that what they are playing with, doing, or have acquired is so much better than what you have. I personally don’t think that anyone’s success is really any better or worse than the next person’s. I think we as humans just label things as better or worse based off of our societal standards. Some of those standards are garbage and didn’t even exist 20 years ago by the way. That just goes to show how quickly societal norms and rules can change.
Starting today, get to understand yourself on a deeper level and ask yourself if you are really doing what lights YOU up in life or if you’re doing things that people in society have told you “should”. Every time you find yourself comparing your successes to other people’s successes or find yourself making a decision that is based on keeping up with the Jones’ keep in mind that you are just subtracting from who you are as a unique individual. I prefer to see you thrive at your best rather than a carbon copy of someone else.
If you need help in identifying what your special gifts are and would like me to help you gain more clarity and CONFIDENCE on how you can light up this world in a way that is potentially lucrative and fulfilling connect with me in my complimentary 5-day Core Life Purpose mini-series as I share how identifying and using my unique gifts has produced a life that I am happy to walk through and share my light with others. I ALWAYS attract the right people in my world by being myself every single week without fail. You can do it too and in much less time than you think without excess stress, overwhelm and frustration.
Thanks for reading!
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To Our Health & Happiness,